Top ten things that king kong taught me - King Kong Reviews

10 - Cannibals don't like candy 9 - 25 foot apes fall in slow motion 8 - Beautiful blondes dig bestiality 7 - King Kong is a better actor than Jack Black 6 - Naomi Watts is indestructible 5 - Giant vampire bats make excellent hang gliders 4 - Dodging a herd of rampaging dinosaurs is not nearly as difficult as it sounds 3 - Hollywood still loves to kill black actors 2 - Ice skating with apes is romantic 1 - Human-sized grasshoppers aren't nearly as cute as the little ones What can I say? This movie was a travesty, by far one of the worst pictures I have ever seen in my life. Jackson's script was packed full of gore, bestiality innuendo, cannibals, voodoo, and blasphemy. The film is also too long and many of the action sequences are closer to a Bugs Bunny cartoon than an action film. There was a pretty cool part with giant bugs, though, and the special effects and cinematography in the film was beautiful. Even the bugs looked cool while at the same time being disgusting. Far more nauseating than the gigantic bugs who attacked and killed a bunch of the characters in the story, however, was Naomi Watts continously giving lusty looks at, and snuggling with, an oversized gorilla. And watching sunsets together with him. And dancing for him. And ice skating with him. They even had a lover's spat, after which she humbly apologized to him after he saved her life. After her human love interest arrived to save her, she shed more tears at the stupid beast being captured (admittedly not cool) than she did at the brutal deaths of all the humans in this picture combined. There were characters running over and through the legs of an army of charging brontosaurs with nary even a scratch, people climbing craggy mountains and the Empire State Building like they did it every day, people shooting giant bugs off of other people without hurting the person at all, etc. Naomi's character, Ann, at one point was hanging onto a tyrannosaurus rex's snout after falling a hundred feet with it, King Kong and another t-rex, into a giant network of vines, where they hung suspended while battling each other for what seemed like forever. Then there was the scene where Ann was tied by thick ropes to two bamboo posts. King Kong came and grabbed her with his over-sized hand and yanked her free, snapping her rope but not the much-weaker arm it was attached to. And then there was the ridiculous, overdrawn finale, where King Kong, after an interminably annoying "melodramatic" (read laughable) period, falls off the top of the Empire State Building in slow motion...after he (finally) hits the street and dies, his body has noticeably shrunk in height and apparently lost most of his mass as well, because instead of going through the street like a hot knife through a banana, it hardly makes a dent. I almost wonder if Peter Jackson has a cutback conspiracy going on with the psychiatric profession, because after sitting through this multi-million dollar stupidity for 3 hours you're bound to go bananas!!